hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
