nut hugger
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The ass gains better be worth it
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