I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
