nut hugger
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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