is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
