There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
