she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
