im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
