Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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