Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
