omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
