You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
