His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Two words: blizzard sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
