i would punch a child for taco bell
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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