they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
