Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
