I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
