Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
