I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
