my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
