i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
