Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
