In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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