she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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