imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
