She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
