"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
