um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
