I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just pee around me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
