smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize