Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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