I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
