your room smells of hookers.
And success
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
