I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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