hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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