So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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