No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
