Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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