I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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