dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
