If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize