If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
