life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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