the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
