your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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