You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize