that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
