like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
