Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
