I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
