you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
