i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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