OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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