be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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