my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
