When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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