To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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