Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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