you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
