All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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