need another drink. this is the easiest way
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
