Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
