After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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