I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize