first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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