I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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