On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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