I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
