I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
