We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
