Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
