Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
