yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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