I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
