Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize