Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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