I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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