are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize