Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
