zippers are such a cool invention
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
