clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
