I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
