we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
