Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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