There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
