There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
