I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
