I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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